I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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