you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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