she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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