I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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