God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
