Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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