I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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