from now on my penis is your penis
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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