why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
