I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
