Tell her she can't have a vagina
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
