She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
