how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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