I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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