I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
