Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
