I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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