No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
