never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
