I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
