I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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