What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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