You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
