"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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