so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Randomize
