His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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