Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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