Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
