bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That's intense
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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