I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
