my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
