the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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