Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
