just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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