69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
