did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
