On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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