he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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