No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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