He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just puked most of my soul out..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
