she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
