You really coming over, don't trick.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
