I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
