take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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