i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
