Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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