it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
