We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Randomize
