i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
