i permit you to call me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
