is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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