they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
