Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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