Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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