I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They are going to name an STD after you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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