so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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